Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
