you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
