How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
