happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
