In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
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