I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
