I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
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