yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
