and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
