i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
