Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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