the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
me + whiskey = a bad person
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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