Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
