It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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