i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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