Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
