i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I could fuck to npr.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Randomize
