I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
where am i from again
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
