Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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