Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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