so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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