halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
