Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
