I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
it's like heaven, but drunker
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
