Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
