is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
