my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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