Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
We need to rekindle our bromance
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
