Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
