"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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