your thong is hanging out like whoa
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
