How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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