Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
