Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Can I color on your dick again?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
