Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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