DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
