Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
