sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
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