Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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