3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
if you like me you must not know who I am
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
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