Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
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