break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
