I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I'm really into asian looking animals
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Randomize