There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
