I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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