I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
