just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
