woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
