I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
