So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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