i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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