i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
