i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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