The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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