so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
