Operation Purity has been aborted
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
