This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
