at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
