You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
