I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
