Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
