Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize