You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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