you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Woke up backwards on a recliner
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
