I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
