When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
God I need to hump something, right now.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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