we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
