is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
