I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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