batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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